“You can call it another lonely day . . .”

Lyrics from “Go Your Own Way” (Fleetwood Mac)

Just when I think that things are turning the corner something else happens. Well your son (yes, YOUR son) took the keys to the car in the middle of the night to go “joyriding” in the rain. Joyride and Rain don’t really work well together, and Friday night was no exception. I was awakened by the City’s “finest” at about 4am yesterday morning to learn that the car had been wrecked and abandoned somewhere in the City. Your son came home soon afterward spewing some crap about being carjacked. It didn’t take the police long to figure out that he was lying (the eyewitness accounts didn’t help his situation either). After spending almost 30 minutes listening to the bull, your son finally confessed that he wrecked the car, got scared and abandoned it. Who, in their right mind, abandons a car?!?!?!? I was beyond angry and upset. Thankfully no one was hurt and the only property damage was to a city water valve (and the car). Your son was left with 2 citations and gets to go to court in 10 days (lucky him). The car was towed and I don’t have access to it until Monday – so I am screwed yet again (and not in a fun way either).  As the day grew on so did my anger. I finally blew up at about 10pm (yeah, right before bed – why do I do that?!?!?!) and yelled obscenities at your son and feeling my anger just boiling over (yes, he IS still YOUR son). After going off on a tangent, I realized that I was angry at much more than a wrecked car – I am still very angry that you left me this way. I try so hard to be accepting and forgiving, but being alone is so hard to forgive.

Most days it takes all my strength to get up and begin the day – today was one of those. I am sure it has to do with the “screaming hangover” from last night. Oh, and I had to work today, so here I was attempting to wake what few brain cells I have and saunter to work like everything is ok (wearing the mask). When will this feeling stop?!?! I am so tired of it – and wanting things to be the way they were! I don’t want another lonely day, but anticipate many more before I accept my new WW life. Why can’t I just turn back the hands of time or just touch and see you once more, saying everything that I didn’t get to say?!?!?! Your son is hurting too, I am sure he is asking many of the same questions that I am. Yeah, he is STILL your son, and I love him (almost as much as I love you)!