Lyrics from Sorcerer
(Fleetwood Mac)
I am feeling so lost and tired. It has been a hard 3 days
from a difficult week. I find myself crying and wallowing in self-pity and can’t
concentrate on much. I’m also quite angry and am lashing out at those that have
failed me. Why can’t I be more forgiving?!?!?! I am looking high and low for
the strength to sustain me.
I’ve been dreading April/May, as they are our ‘special
months’ of the year. Yet, here we are! Now I have no one to celebrate them with
that would understand how special they are. This is my first tax filing in 32
years without you (and I still haven’t done it). This is also my first Mother’s
Day without mom (and you), followed by the celebration of your birth. If it was
possible to just sleep for the next 6 weeks, I would (and hopefully dream of
you). I just want the world to stop – even if it were just for a few hours.
I’ve got to stop this destructive merry-go-round and start looking
for opportunities of change. I feel I’m ready, even though it has been only 6
months of my new 'wwl'. There is too much pain here without you, and what should
be easy decisions are quite difficult. Everywhere I look reminds me of you and
the dreams that we had together. I pray for guidance, plead for guidance –
would sell my soul to make this pain go away. Love you Babe, and I’m really
hurting right now.