A great lyric from the Fleetwood Mac song “Hold Me”; and
very appropriate for the day. Ok, today I actually made the comment to myself
that you got the better end of this deal, and at that moment – I truly meant
it! Of course, all issues today revolved around money or your death. The two
seem forever entwined. I am starting to feel like this will now be my life
until the end of time. Forgive the verbal rambling here – but this has to be
put in words, as it is just too good to be true (but it is – ALL of it)!
Issue 1. I got a notice today that the insurance is
suspended on the Durango because I never provided proof of insurance from an
August 18th citation. WTF?!?!?!?! I never got a citation! I should
have figured it out when the notice said the Durango, but it took me a few
minutes to realize that you must have been stopped (again) and probably
sweet-talked the officer, who cited you for “no proof of insurance”. So I started
the day by calling DMV, explaining my “PWS”. I call it the ‘pathetic widow story’, because it is so pathetic I hate repeating
it, and I always break down, sobbing when I have to explain it! I am usually
strong in dealing with business, but dealing with anything that has to do with you being gone reduces me to complete
mush (and tears), of which it takes me hours to recover. After having to
explain myself twice to the poor lady who was lucky enough to get my call, I
was told that my insurance company would need to complete a letter and provide
proof of insurance via fax to them to get the suspension released. Great – I’d
have to talk to someone else, explain the “PWS” to them, and hope I can keep it
together long enough for them to assist me with this mess. I made the call to
Farmers. Surprisingly, our insurance agent was very gracious – AND – and I didn’t
sound like a complete nut job. I still had 2 more issues to deal with and was determined
to stay strong.
Issue 2. Our mortgage is now two months past due. I’ve heard
horror stories about foreclosure and had visions of the “foreclosure police” knocking
at my door and kicking me and the fur-kids to the curb. This phone call was
going to take all that I had to work out an arrangement and I couldn’t fall
apart while attempting to discuss this with some poor soul, who again, was
lucky enough to have to deal with my call today. Yeah, I had visions of me, a
crazy cat lady that was homeless (how do you keep litter-boxes in a car?). I
drank a cup of coffee, took a few deep breaths, and made the phone call. Lucky
Michael (or unlucky) was my “mortgage agent” today. I think I actually got out
the words “I don’t know where to begin, and I don’t want to cry . . . .”, and then
it started all over again. Oh boy, this was going to be a long day, and it was
only 9:30 am. I began my PWS again, and my story was either understood, or I
sounded so pathetic that I was given an extension to get the payments caught
up.
Issue 3. The biggest of them all, and the crux of the money
mess. I had liquidated some stock several weeks ago to get caught up on our
mortgage, credit cards, and utilities. I had deposited the check on Friday
night, via ATM, as that appeared to be the quickest method to deposit the
funds. When I looked at my online account that night, not only did the fund
deposit show up, but the very next line was a withdrawal/debit for the same
amount. Apparently, the funds from the check just disappeared (and so did my
small blanket of financial security). I called the bank, and again told my PWS,
breaking down again. OMG – could this day get any worse?!?!?! In a word – “yeah”!
The check was made out to me, as the beneficiary of your IRA
and your dad’s IRA. So, there were 3 names on the check. When I recd the check,
I thought depositing it via ATM would be the quickest method for availability
of funds. Not only did it delay the funds, the ATM scanner read the 3 names and
rejected the check completely. You would think that this would be straight
forward – the bank would hold the check, I could go in the next day, reclaim it
and redeposit it in the bank. That option would have been too fortuitous for
me! It is the bank’s policy that “rejected” checks go back to the main branch office
in Phoenix, who then generate a notification letter and mail the check back to
the depositor (that would be me). I can then physically go into the bank and
redeposit it with a teller. So, the funds have been delayed for probably
another week, and that is being optimistic!
Background: When you passed, my world was turned upside down
quite quickly. In a matter of 10 days, I had paid over $10K to deal with the
business that was your death, was furloughed (thank you Congress), and your
monthly pension was literally snatched out of our checking account when OPM
recd notice of your death! Also, your pension was suspended, pending
recalculation of your benefits for a “survivor” (that would be me – what a
word). Our credit card accounts were closed, as they weren’t joint accounts. It
appears that I was the secondary card holder on all of them (what luck)!
Yeah – death sucks, and the timing of yours could not have
been any worse (sorry – had to say it)! My hands were tied and nothing could be
done on settling these matters until I recd a certified copies of your death
certificate. It took 32 days for me to obtain these, which is an entire billing
cycle in the world of credit (and credit rating). I am thinking at this point, “who
cares?” – I certainly don’t. I have been telling myself for weeks “one more
week, one more week – I can do this!”
Now I am just attempting to survive this nightmare that is
now my life. I know it will pass (eventually), but almost 2 months of this is
overwhelming. Yeah, you are gone – as I get ready to enter day 57 since you
left me. My heart is heavy – your loss is unbearable, yet if I could punch you
right now I would!
Still, I love you Babe and I ache to have you just hold me
again!
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